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This isn’t therapy — save your secrets, insecurities, and stifled anger at your mother for your best friend or shrink. Your first message to her should contain a comment on something you have in common or something you find exciting about her.But when we factor in the Of course, we shouldn’t forget that there’s a certain amount of overhead involved with contacting someone (scanning her profile for common interests, thinking of jokes to make, taking a deep breath, clicking around, and so on).If we include 5 minutes of forethought, we find that the actual ideal first message length is 200 characters, or 1 minute’s worth of typing for the average writer. Something we learned building Spark Notes, in our pre-Ok Cupid days.So after the jump, eight dos and don’ts to remember when emailing a potential online dating match. Writing two or more emails before you’ve gotten a reply to the first not only makes you look a little obsessed, it also makes it seem like you don’t have anything better to do with your time. Unless he’s got the personality of corduroy, he should be able to carry the conversation for at least a paragraph from there.

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(All those were actual first messages, by the way.)Now, our graph clearly shows that in raw terms, it helps guys to write longer messages.

There is nothing worse than reading a joke that isn't funny and then having the fact that it isn't funny, but that somehow someone else thinks it is, explained to you.

If your joke isn't funny to that person, it's either a) not funny at all, or b) not funny to him/her. In the middle of this city you're walking around in, surrounded by thousands and millions of people walking, you fear you might be the only one who likes walking?

It's presumptuous to list a bunch of unrequested information about yourself in your message, because doing so assumes that this person already thinks of you as a candidate.

Instead, as with good tip #5, use the message to ask about him/her.

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